Do the Opposite!

If we are having an emotion and we do not want to change it, then we do not need to do anything — except for more of what we are already doing. The emotion will stay with us for as long as we like.

However, if we are having an unpleasant emotion, and we do want to change it, then we have a few tools at our disposal.

Previous skills lessons taught us to change the way we think about the situation in order to change how we feel about the situation. This means thinking of other possible interpretations. Often, this keeps us from taking things personally.

Thinking skills can include checking the facts, positive self-talk, and turning the mind toward acceptance.

Another angle to consider when trying to change emotions is to change the behavior.

Emotions are linked to an “action urge.” For example, depression is linked with isolation, fear with avoidance, anger with attack, etc.

If we force ourselves to do the opposite behavior to the urge, we invite the new, opposite emotion paired with the new behavior.

Biologically, our bodies need the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to align. If we disrupt one of these elements, then we unbalance the system. The body makes adjustments until all three are back in alignment.

If we change the thoughts, then the feelings and behaviors will need to adjust to match. If we change the behavior, the feelings and thoughts will need to adjust to match.

Opposite action is a powerful skill to change unwanted emotions by simply doing a behavior opposite to the urge.