You Gotta Come to the Party

There is so much that goes into being effective with others. However, it involves being with others. If we avoid or “run away,” then there is no way to be effective interpersonally.

To summarize the skills so far . . .

1. Establish healthy boundaries.
2. Distinguish between passive, aggressive, and assertive communication styles. Commit to assertiveness.
3. Practice the basics of assertiveness with “I-messages.” (I feel ______ when _________ and next time I would like ___________.)
4. Use DEAR MAN (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, be Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate) to get what you want.
5. Use GIVE (be Gentle, act Interested, Validate, use an Easy-going manner) to improve the relationship.
6. Use FAST (be Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, be Truthful) to exercise self-respect.
7. Identify your priority (1. get what you want, 2. foster the relationship, or 3. promote self-respect) in the exchange.
8. Identify how important this is to you and establish the level of intensity you will express in the interaction.

Practicing interpersonal effectiveness requires that we engage in the conversation. Avoiding people or refusing to discuss important topics is just not an effective means of resolving problems. In most instances, the problems do not go away.