by 
A little validation goes a long way. It is an easy concept really — to acknowledge another person’s feelings and to express understanding. We don’t even have to agree with them — just understand them.
Appreciate what they are doing, acknowledge their point of view, or just plain notice them.
When we validate others, we open the door for communication. People who feel heard and understood are more likely to reciprocate, which strengthens the connection and brings people closer.
So, what makes this difficult?
Sometimes our ego or our need to be right gets in the way. We feel hurt, annoyed, or angry with the other person and we don’t want to validate them — even if it is the most effective response to the situation. We become more willful in getting our own position acknowledged, which has the potential of escalating the situation.
Empathy is about connecting with people and relating to their internal experience. It is acknowledging their feelings. It means stepping outside ourselves to truly hear the other person.
“That must have been frustrating (scary, upsetting, violating, etc.)”
“This sounds challenging for you.”
“Wow! You seem to be facing a lot of stressors all at the same time!”
“I think most people would feel that way in this situation.”
“I understand why you are afraid of his dog given that you were bitten by a similar dog when you were younger.”
Validation is not:
- Trying to fix things
- Offering advice on how to solve the problem
- Avoiding the feelings or trying to make them go away