Accessible DBT

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

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Unlocking the Assertiveness Toolbox

Two women sitting at a table chatting over coffee with the words How to Develop Assertiveness.

Assertiveness is about speaking up in a manner that shows respect for both ourselves and the other person.

It is important that we engage with the other person without aggressive language such as blaming, criticizing, or insulting them. Aggressive communication typically causes the other person to be less inclined to cooperate with us or even to listen to us.

Marsha Linehan, the founder of DBT, developed a framework to craft assertive statements:

  1. Describe the situation or the problem with just the facts. Find common ground.
  2. Express your interpretation of the situation and your feelings about the situation. Opinions are OK as long as they are not blaming or accusatory.
  3. Assert what you would like from the other person. Usually, this is phrased as a question, “Would you be able to…?” Sometimes a direct statement is warranted, “Next time, please [do this].”
  4. Reinforce the other person and explain how they would benefit by doing what you request.

Keep the communication short — about 10 to 15 seconds.

Speaking assertively requires practice. It may seem intimidating and risky initially, but it becomes easier as the skill is honed.

http://liveonpurposeradio.com/how-to-handle-a-sniper/
This one is optional. Audio only, 30 minutes long.
Interview with Pamela Jett, “How to Handle a Sniper”