When someone is telling you about a problem they have, is your first inclination to fix it? They might be just seeking validation.
Validation is demonstrating empathy and understanding of someone’s situation and emotions. Showing empathy involves indicating that you fully understand what another person is going through by acknowledging their feelings and their opinions. It is not necessary to agree with them. Treat their experience as valid for them.
Often people feel an urge to solve another person’s problems. After all, why would they be telling us their problems if they do not want us to solve them?
However, offering unsolicited advice often causes anger in the other person. The message that they receive is that we do not believe they are capable of solving their own problems. They feel judged and insulted.
When we acknowledge that it is not our job to solve another person’s problem, we are no longer burdened with the obligation of solving the problem. This frees us to be supportive and understanding as the person works through their own solution.
People want to feel connected and they want to know that someone else understands them. Validation communicates this through non-judgmental acceptance of their current situation.
If you still want to offer advice, get their permission first. Ask if they would like some advice.